(i don't stand) a ghost of a chance with you
by veritas-always
Summary: Based on the tumblr prompt: 'Castle and Beckett bump into Beckett's ex (who is still into Beckett and asks her out) after chasing down a lead during the 47 seconds arc.'


_"I need your love so badly, I love you oh so madly  
_ _But I don't stand a ghost of a chance with you  
_ _I thought at last I'd found you, but other loves surround you  
_ _And I don't stand a ghost of a chance with you"  
~ Frank Sinatra_

* * *

As soon as Kate hears the familiar voice say her name, she knows this isn't going to go over well. Castle's beside her, but she's fairly certain he's not _really_ beside her. Not emotionally. He's made it pretty obvious how he feels about her recently, but still. She doesn't need an awkward run-in with Josh to escalate any of their current issues.

She spins around, meets Josh's eyes across the hospital corridor. Castle steps in close behind her, and she chances a glance back at him, finds his face just mere inches from her own. He's territorial, so that's good.

Right?

Josh jogs up to them, steadfastly ignoring Castle and she feels a pang of guilt in her heart. Castle had to watch her relationship with Josh blossom for months, when all she ever wanted was _him_. And now she's a little bit afraid she made him wait too long, and the thought absolutely terrifies her.

"Hey, Josh," she greets, giving the surgeon a smile that she really doesn't feel.

His eyes assess her body, more from a doctor's perspective than her ex-boyfriend's, before they meet hers again.

"You look great," he tells her. The last time they spoke she was in a hospital bed with a hole in her chest, and she knows she hurt him when she told him she didn't need his help, nor did she need their relationship. It was true though. Still is. She managed without him. Without anyone.

The first person she would have called, aside from her father, if she needed anybody's help would have been Castle. He probably doesn't realize that, she reminds herself harshly.

"Thank you. I feel great."

"Recovery went well?"

"Yeah, I went to my dad's cabin for the summer. It helped."

"Good, good," he says, sounds relieved, and she wonders if he thought about her a lot after their break up. She didn't think about him. Spent most of the summer focusing on her recovery, and when she did think about anybody she left behind in the city, her thoughts always drifted back to her partner. "Look," Josh says, interrupting her thoughts, "I have a surgery in a few minutes, but, uh- do you want to go out to dinner sometime? Start over?"

Kate freezes, as does her partner, who she _knows_ must be hurting. He doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve to stand here and listen to her ex - who she knows he never liked - ask her out again.

"Um," she starts, watches Josh flick his eyes to Castle's and back to her, smug, as if he thinks he has more of her heart than Castle does. "No, thank you," she tells him quietly, but not with regret. "I'm pretty content right now."

The doctor looks between the two of them, gives her a curt nod, and says, "Well, it was nice seeing you again. Take care," before he walks away.

She lets out a long sigh, turns around, startling at the intensity in Castle's gaze.

"Surprised you didn't say yes," he mumbles, begins to turn away from her, but her fingers snag the sleeve of his jacket, keeping him there. She has so many questions for him. She really just wants her Castle back.

"Did something happen?" she asks softly, fighting to meet his gaze. His brow furrows. He's clearly unsure of what she's asking him, so she gives him a gentle nudge, gets them moving. She doesn't want to have this conversation in the hospital, where her ex-boyfriend works no doubt.

When they get outside she leads the way back to her cruiser, unlocking the doors. Castle slides into the passenger seat and secures his seatbelt with a click, silently staring straight ahead.

"Rick," she utters, breaking the silence. He looks at her, _really_ looks at her for the first time in weeks, whole body deflating as the fight leaves him.

"You lied," he rasps, voice tight with the emotion that he's been keeping quiet.

"What?"

"I told you I loved you, and you lied to me. Did you only turn Josh down because I was standing there? Because I get it. You don't feel the same for me, and you've been trying to be more for the relationship you want. You can go back in there and-"

"No," she nearly whimpers, hand flying to his arm and gripping it tightly. "No. Castle?"

"What more can I say, Kate?" he asks hopelessly, prying her fingers from him, dropping her hand in her own lap.

"You don't understand," she gets out, stomach churning uncomfortably. He sounds like he's already resigned to the fact that she doesn't want him _\- them_ \- and even worse, he doesn't seem to want her anymore either. He lets out a self-depricating laugh, shaking his head at her.

"I think I read the signs pretty clear, Kate."

"I love you," she blurts, feels like she's drowning, stuck in water while he stands on the shore and lets her drift away, but she's clinging to something to keep them buoyed together.

His eyes widen, mouth agape, staring at her blankly. "Kate?" he whispers, unsure of whether or not his mind is playing tricks on him.

"I love you," she tells him more fiercely, grabbing his hand and holding on tight. "Why else would I have come back to you after the summer? Even when you were so angry with me? I know what it looks like, but you're wrong, and I love you. I want this. If you still want me, then I want this, Castle."

"I tried to stop loving you," he admits. Her eyes dim, desolation making her features crumble, because that's what she was afraid of and now- "I tried to shut my feelings off, but I couldn't," he pushes forward, bringing his free hand up to palm her cheek gently. "Never gonna stop wanting you, Kate."

She lets out a sigh of relief, head falling against his shoulder in the close confines of her car. His fingers tangle in her hair, smoothing out the strands in a rhythmic motion, lips following to press a kiss against her scalp.

"I'm so sorry," she tells him after a moment, voice still tinged with a guilt that he knows will lingers for a few weeks, because that's who Kate Beckett is. She feels things wholly and deeply, and that is why he's so sure that what she's told him is nothing but the truth now, that she really does love him.

He lifts her face back up, studying her. She gives him a soft smile, but her eyes are worrisome, as if she believes his feelings aren't as strong as they were before. His lips find hers, soothing the doubts away, wants nothing more than for her to be completely certain in all capacities.

"We're okay," he reassures, brushing a kiss across her forehead, giving the small hand still intertwined with his a squeeze.

She nods, eyes alight with something he's never seen before, something he's confident is only for him. She repeats his words, like sealing an envelope and sending it off into the universe.

"We're okay."

* * *

 _Prompt was found on castlefanficprompts. Feedback is always encouraged and welcome!_


End file.
